MOTHERS DAY AND WORKING OUTSIDE THE NEST

I have a lot to write. I took it easy these past 3 months, powering through the dreaded/lauded/terrifying/spiritual/uplifting/butt-kicking/endlessly lovely "fourth trimester." Echo and I. We conquered breast feeding, gas pains, bed time and a tight little 3 hour schedule. My little family conquered a first plane ride and a second, Washington DC, solo date nights, baby wearing, stroller walking and recently spit bubble blowing.

And then it was Mother's Day and the capstone to my 3 month maternity leave. My last day as a full time stay at home mama. What a joke, right? And it was so hard. It is hard. I got my freak outs out of the way (for now) and I truly enjoy my job, but good grief. The band-aid method is a hard one. I feel like I have a phantom limb. An achey feeling in my arms and my heart. I have not worn eyemakeup in 5 days. But again and again I feel the whisper in my heart and mind that I can choose. I can choose to be miserable or cheerful. I can choose to be proud of myself for providing for my family, choose to flex and use my brain working outside the home, choose to even enjoy my baby free hours, knowing she is well taken care of. Or I can choose depression and ingratitude and misery. So I am working on it. When I climb the stairs, hauling a breast pump 3 times a day I work on it. And when I get a frantic text from Jared that she will. not. nap. I am working on it. And when I go home and my baby snuggles me, really snuggles her mama, I am working on it.