Let me tell you...life is just kicking my booty all over the place these days. And I can see it. I can see the stress in my little tummy pooch that refuses to budge, no matter how many salad lunches I have. I can see it in my eye bags and all the clothes that still don't fit. I can see it in my short temper and my scatter brain. And I can see it every single time I put a breast pump to my chest and come away with a little less then I need.
In all of this though, I see how God is so merciful.
A good friend offered me her back storage of frozen milk before even knowing I was having supply issues.
Another wonderful friend baked me a stash of lactation cookies and hand delivered them to me.
Other mothers have reached out and encouraged me with by sharing own experiences.
My angel sister in law makes sure she is well cared for and nourished while I am away.
Echo is getting better at eating solids every day, and particularly loves healthy fat filled foods like hummus and avocado.
And above it all, she is hitting all her milestones and is such a joy. She almost never whines or cries outside of being tired, so I know she isn't starving to death. She smiles and kick kick kicks when she sees her mama or daddy, she drags her little body around and can't sit still, she laughs at the dog and blows crazy raspberries.
Its hard to write something like this and not feel like the biggest whiner and moper of all time. But I have found it truly depressing, not just frustrating but depressing. All that absent breast milk has leaked into my mood. As it drips into my mind, I find myself thinking in complaints instead of rejoicing over my blessings. Drops of it seem to cloud my mind as I look at other mothers who stay home with their children full time and have jealousy, instead of being thankful I have a job that provides for my family. I have been praying and holding my breath, waiting for it all to work out. And you know what? It always does. It always does and it always will. Its so easy to forget. It's easy to keep these things to ourselves and pretend like WE GOT THIS. But sometimes WE DON'T. But WE TRYIN. I'm trying. And I'll keep trying.