Friday, April 27, 2018

Far-from-home Mom

7am Wuksachi Lodge sequoia National Park

The baby is nestled in beside me, thumb in her mouth, humming and sleeping. Her and I had been up for an out and a half in the dim of our hotel room, trying to spare echo and Jared and give them a few more hours of sleep. She gave up but of course I’m wide awake. So a blog post written in notes app sounds about right. 

I was wary of this vacation. We wanted to get away before Jared was thrown into PA school and the key was tossed aside. However, traveling 2000 miles and enduring a 3 hour time change with 2 very young children seemed a bit ambitious. 

I also spent the last few months dithering back and forth over resigning from my job; heretofore known as The Decision. 

Going back to work, moving, trying to find our place in our new home, keeping clean underwear on everyone and The Decision had my stress level at Mach 10. Every time I’d open a tab to start planning the trip, I was overwhelmed with stress and anxiety. So I just didn’t. Jared and I did the bare minimum of booking flights, hotels, and car, and I made sure there weren’t any free gems we were missing out on and then I just put it on a shelf. Btw RIP the days of an air bnb being a steal. The golden age of super cheap 2 bedroom apartments is gone I’m afraid. 

After I made The Decision, the cliched weight from my shoulders melted away. Literally the burden and guilt and stress and self doubt that has plagued me for months was just GONE. It’s nice to know, definitively, that you’ve made the right decision. So here I am, a stay at home mom very far away from her home. 

The flights weren’t all that bad. Remind me to write a post on the pitfalls of having huge breasts and trying to feed modestly in public. I really don’t care what you do with your own nipples, but generally speaking I like to keep mine on the low down. But at some point I made the decision that is totally fine and completely ok to just feed her. And not have to wrestle her adorable but determined little self under a cover. Seriously would you rather hear wild ravenous screeching cries in an airplane or see 1 inch of side boob? Moving along! 

The first night in Fresno was ROTTEN. Echo had been so great all day but cooped up in a little room and unable to have her own space to wind down and sleep she was over it. We battled, took an ice cream run at the local Freezy Queen, and finally everyone slept a few hours. The next morning we headed out to Sequoia. 

It’s drop dead gorgeous. Everyone should come here. At some point Jared pulled off to potty and when he came back he told me to just go walk a little ways in to the forest. It was perfectly cool, pine scented bliss. So peaceful and soothing. 

The last few days have been so fun and so nuts. Echo is still a 3year old even in the midst of an ancient giant forest, who knew?! It really is so enchanting to see her stride off, climb a big giant rock or log,sometimes a little too confidently for my liking. She jumps and runs and talks to strangers, and is all in a joy. She also cries and whines, refuses to pose for 80% of our photos, and at one point unlocked the stroller climbed inside and started rolling down a hill towards a small creek until a nice man stopped her. Happened in about 2 seconds while I was taking a photo of Jared. Lorelai, as usual, is just a ball of sunshine along for the ride. That is until we get in the car to make the long drive across the park and she cries for 20-30 minutes at a time. But all in total trooper.

 Today we leave for the coast, and while I’m literally salivating at 7:30 at the thought of the cafe rio I’m going to eat later, and the dim sum waiting for me in San Francisco, it does leave a pit in my stomach knowing we can’t be surrounded by these amazing giant redwoods forever. We’ll be back. We’ve got to!