Thursday, August 29, 2013


Gilligan in a cloth diaper. Need I say more?

Dirty Diet Dr Pepper. I still draw a hard line with soda drinking but UGH....I have been making more Sonic trips then I would like to admit lately, even if I do only get a child's size.

Giving away old favorites because they are literally hanging off of me.
I have never been more happy to get rid of a favorite dress. I have officially lost 19 lbs. I gained 3 when we went to California (ugh I know, but the In N' Out y'all), and lost that and another 2. My Lose It App informs me that I have worked out at least 4 times a week for the past 3 months! I feel stronger, healthier and more determined then ever. I went rock climbing with Jared for the first time in almost a year. I could climb 4 walls I wouldn't have been able to think about last time.

Hanging with one of my best girlfrands this pas weekend. I miss you Lauren! It actually makes my heart ache thinking about it.

My grandparents are so good to me. My Grandmother hemmed a dress for me, by hand, the other week with out a moments complaint. After being life long "outside with the animal" people, they have never told me to leave Gilligan at home when I come over. Papa even snuggled him! I am so grateful to have two of the best most supportive grandparents ever.

Three day weekend praise be!

Friday, August 23, 2013


A few weekends ago we made our way to California for a wedding. If you haven't seen the video of the trip youcan watch it here.

I love flying out to California because you travel through time and reap the benefit of 3 extra hours. After grabbing our rental car (free upgrade haaay, under 25 surcharge boo), we made our way to the hotel. Jared went in to check us in and – major gaff – I had booked the wrong days!! I had unknowingly booked the hotel for July instead of August and we were homeless in California! I downloaded the HotelTonight app and found a hotel less then 2 miles away for a great price. Avatar Hotel was a modern video game themed place. It was such a relief, especially when we realized that right next door was…..

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The mothership. OK so we say we went to California to see Kevin Newton get married, but really we went because we are drawn to In N Out Burger like a moth to a flame. Always coordinate your lipstick and your condiments. After ingesting a burger brunch that took up ¾ of my daily calorie allotment in LoseIt app, we set out on a 3 hour ride through central CA to Fresno. We listened to a great episode of This American Life, the new Civil Wars Album and took in the Grapes of Wrath scenery. It was a great little drive. Living flat on the ground my whole life, I get a huge kick out of meandering up and down hills and watching cows gracefully graze on what looks to me as a mountain edge. 

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When we got to Hanford, where the Buckleys live, we got to work folding paper flowers and counseling Kevin Newton on married life. The next two days were so much fun. Kevin and Jessica are so in love and their reception was the best. They had a fresh churro stand!! A CHURRO STAND!! These were like Disney level churro's a kid you not. And Jessica smashed a piniata. What a babe that Jessica btw, Kevin Newton you officially have a trophy wife ;). 

I also made the most darling new friend. Kevin Newton’s nephew was apparently quite smitten with me, and I spent the majority of the reception cutting a rug on the dance floor with him and playing thumb war. We made some really good memories on this trip. I'm so grateful we were able to fly out there. 

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Babe alert! BABE ALEERRRTTT!!!
Hold the phone....I interrupt this stream of pictures to bring you this blue eyed angel. I am a lucky woman. Sorry y'all, go back to your business.

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Saturday, August 17, 2013


Jared has decided to switch his major. He is going to try his hand at engineering instead of business. This promises 4 more years of undergrad, a lot of stress, probably money, too, sleepless nights, calculus, hair pulling, and the rearranging of plans. Let me backtrack for a second.

This is a post I have written over and over in my head. I have written a line or two and deleted. I have 2 drafts with titles and nothing else. We made this decision together, and I am incredibly proud of him for doing it. I have debated on this post because it is so  personal. It's certainly raw-we are still in the midst of all of it now- and very personal, but I also think that our situation isn't that uncommon, and I hope that it can help others out there that are struggling with major decisions in their lives.

 I have pulled away from blogging in the past few months because it felt phony. How can I talk about all of these fun things with smiles plastered on our faces without acknowledging the struggles as well? It just felt wrong. No ones life is whole happy or wholly sad. Every day is different. We have had some great times this year, but the days have been laced with this decision weighing on our heads.

Jared is not what I would call a risk-taker. College is a journey for most people and unfortunately it has been a pretty miserable one for him. Over the last year and a half I have watched him struggle to find his place in academia. I have seen him at very very low points, overwhelmed with the thought of doing something he hated, but was totally willing to do for the greater good. I.E. what would bring the most security, comfort and support to me and our future family.

The Bird got sad. Really really sad. It would come and go with the change of semesters, but a huge weight was on his shoulders and there was no way to shake it off. We talked about the switch of majors last year, but in the end he decided to just trudge forward--switching majors would mean a huge load of new pre-reqs that we both were afraid of. We prayed and prayed and end the end I'm afraid we made the wrong decision. We tried to trust the Lord and listen to where he was telling us to go, but it was so scary to start from scratch! I felt strongly that I needed to be a strong support system for my husband in whatever his decision was. It's so hard to see your spouse struggle with depression. Sometimes I thought "Well, maybe it's me, maybe it's something I'm doing." Jared always has gone out of his way to make me feel loved, but the pressure was grating on both of us.

After another year of flat out misery, Jared started seeing a therapist and I started fasting and praying- a lot. His therapist is a great guy, and Jared would be happy to talk to anyone who feels like maybe they should talk to someone about the way they're feeling. He is the poster child of resistance to any kind of help like that but it truly has made a difference in his life; it gave him the courage to see that what he was feeling was way beyond normal levels of stress and anxiety, and that he was struggling with ADD as well.

Like I said--We are still in the middle of all this, and we won't know what will happen over the next few years. What I do know is that we have a little bit of peace now, and I am so happy for that. Its scary to make decisions, I'm glad that I can pray and recieve answers to my prayers. Its just up to Jared and I to remember that and hold strong to it...which isnt easy to do. We don't want any regrets, especially when its a fairly easy fix. I know that we all have a Savior that we can turn to in our trials and dark moments, and I feel so incredibly blessed that even a year later he was still waiting for us and ready to give us the courage we needed as a family.

Boyd K. Packer recieved the council from Harold B. Lee when he was asked to make a leap of faith:

"The trouble with you is you want to see the end from the beginning."
 I replied that I would like to see at least a step or two ahead. Then came the lesson of a lifetime: 

"You must learn to walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness; then the light will appear and show the way before you." 

Then he quoted these eighteen words from the Book of Mormon: "Dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith."

We are trying to have the faith to walk to the edge of the light, I know this is a lesson we both need to learn. Here's to the next four years!

Friday, August 16, 2013


This is a post to announce that I am alive. And I'm at work. And I have a wretched migraine. And we all have four hours til freedom. Here are a few things keeping me going. 

Speaking of Handsome Dogs....can you even stand it?

My relationship in a nutshell.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013


I love love, I always have. I genuinely enjoy watching my friends smash cake in one anothers face, dance to their favorite song and run away together into the night. But marriage took on a new new meaning to me once I joined the club.  Watching people you love make promises to each other that will last for an eternity- that is something super special.

Lucky for me, I've attended 4 weddings this year, and little birds are twittering there may be more to least on the engagement front. It seems like the whole world is in love and I am sooo down with that.

Sunday we got back from California where Jared and I got to attend our dear sweet Kevin Newton's wedding. It was a crazy, fast fun weekend. I cried like a baby during the ceremony and danced like a loon during their fiesta. Oh and I ate In N Out twice and chowed down on some Cafe Rio.

I'll share more pictures later, but here's a little video I made of their day.

I really want to get better at videography, it's so much fun!