Wednesday, December 31, 2014


2014 was a wild time. It was a dramatic year that brought a lot of pain and a lot of intense joy.

I chopped my hair.
I flew to Arizona to see a best friend get married and the sun set across the red rocks.

I saw snow for the first time. And I rolled in it and reveled in it and made a snow angel.
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I turned 25. Will I ever not feel 22? I'm not sure. What is it to really absorb an age? To feel it in your bones? I've enjoyed my quarter-quell so far.

I surprised Jared with a trip to Norway, and we ate reindeer sausage and we saw the tallest mountains and took a train across a frozen wasteland that was so beautiful it hurt. And then we were rolling down hills and looking at tulips, and stuck outside the airport at horrible AM laughing and enjoying being in love in Scandinavia.

Then Jared and I took a huge breath and a leap of faith and decided to have a baby. I wrote some of my favorite essays of the year about the maddening rush of hormones and the slow heavy crush of nine months of waiting. 

I lost my whole heart in North Carolina. 

I lost an incredible man who I loved so very very much. I miss you all the time, Papa. And right on its heels we lost Cathy which still doesn't seem real. 

My year seems cinematic when I look back at it like this. Like any good movie, there were lots of laughs and hijinks and tears, sometimes mingled into a big messy pot. 

2014 was the last year of just Jared and I. We may have to hang up our international traveling caps for awhile. We may have to give up all those super sleepy mornings and late night concerts and flying halfway across the world. But can you even believe what we are about to gain? A baby! A real one. Oh a baby, a baby. So thank you for the adventures 2014, hopefully you prepared us even a little bit for the inevitable whirlwind that will be 2015. I feel like faith will be a big theme. And patience. And faith. 

Wednesday, December 24, 2014


On this, Christmas Eve, I reserve my right to put my AC on because it is 75 degrees and raining and the humidity is making it impossible to wrap gifts. Sorry about the presents wrapped loosely in wet rags, family.

But it's Christmas! And today we get to see both old friends, new friends, family and Hobbits.

Merry Christmas everyone. Listen to some Sufjan for me.

BTW is this anyone elses very favorite moment of The Santa Clause?

Thursday, December 18, 2014



Friends, its that time again where we deck the halls for the yuletide season and dress up like pregnant snowmen.

Because I am in a giving mood, I grant you permission to use these free printable collectors edition Gilligan Alexander Christmas ornaments! Just click through and print to your hearts content.

A very lucky couple was gifted with these at our white elephant party. I myself came home with several adult diapers and post-natal elephantine period pads. It was almost sad how thrilled I was to receive them. Pregnant lady problems.

SERIAL! Are you losing your mind over Serial? The last ep came out today. Jared and I are fully hooked. It's a nice change of pace from our usual mindless movie watching.

Last but not least - HOLY 56 DAYS?! Officially 8 months pregnant! Also, PS my placenta is in the clear - no previa- so I am all good for the labor I have been planning on. What a relief.


Having way too much fun with the FaceJuggler app. Sonny Bono, is that you?

I ran out of Natural Calm this week and no amount of synthetic Thunderstorm app sounds can take its place. The night rage, she commeth.

Also my boobs are taking over my life, but that is for another day.

Monday, December 15, 2014


Jared is a-brimming with Christmas cheer. He single-handedly lit the bushes in front of our apartment, taking great lengths to get full coverage. He picked out, strapped to the car and hauled home a lush Christmas tree, lighting that puppy up quick as can be.

I added a red nose to our deer pic.

I have still been feeling good, doing well, physically. Emotionally I feel like a PMSing 15 yr old some days, and a sage old mother of the Earth type on others. Sometimes a pregnant lady has got to weep, you know? It really is slightly ridiculous, but it is truth.

The idea of the baby coming in 2 months is super abstract to me. Its a really hard thing to wrap my brain around. What will it look like? Will I bond immediately? Will it take me some time? Is it a boy or a girl? What will we name it? Will Jared run off with Gilligan and join the circus after a week of non-stop crying? Or will I? I wouldn't describe these thoughts as plaguing, or even stressful, but they are definitely very present. Its such a weird mystic time in my life. I feel my body and the baby's body changing every day. It amazes me.

So yes, I am grateful for my personal Bird-Claus bringing the holiday cheer into our home this year. He's got all the ingredients ready for cinnamon bun popcorn and all I've got to do is eat it.

P.S. Here are a few pictures of Baby Kip and Baby J. There is a strong possibility of a very bald, jolly, fat cheeked baby in our future.

Thursday, December 4, 2014


Here I am at 7 1/2 months. Large and in charge. I feel like I waited (and wanted) to look truly pregnant for so long and then blam-o, it happened all at once.

Yesterday I had my second ultrasound to determine if my low lying placenta had giddy-upped and gotten out of the way. Still waiting to hear the verdict there, but the baby was being a total diva and kicking like a nut and would not give a decent profile shot. My anterior placenta is a nice cushion protecting me from this kid's one person mosh-pit at club womb. So instead we have creepy skull face!

Creepier still when paired with the ultrasound tech's well-meant caption. Collective eye-roll. I did see the baby's mouth puckering, opening, and closing, which was very endearing to behold. There is an air of mystery about this child. I feel that, in personality, I very well may be carrying a 3.7 lb Jared Jr. The baby is mostly active during the day, squirming and bumping about. In the evenings I feel pressure like its settling in down there and really spreading out for comfort, but luckily not too many late night jabs to the ribs or anything.

Seriously, these captions!

While in my OBGYN's office waiting for my scan, I kind of felt like I was part of a herd of other pregnant ladies. The 40 minute wait and no-nonsense, down to business atmosphere made me feel particularly blessed to have the pre-natal experience at Birth Center of Jacksonville. I have seriously never waited for more then 10 minutes, and I feel at home there.

My mother in law and I tackled Babies R Us and showed it the what for, and I've started collecting a few little outfits here and there. Researching for the registry was one of the most fulfilling things ever. Oh the lists! Oh the reviews! Oh the comparison shopping! I gobbled it up. Lucies List really really helped me narrow things down. Love this site!

The third trimester feels very different. I still feel very peaceful and calm anticipating the birth and meeting my baby, but my bones and muscles ache. My back is stiff. My clothes don't fit. I just feel PREGNANT. I have found serenity in one form: Natural Calm. Seriously people of the world, get on this train pregnant or not. Its a magnesium supplement taken with water in the evening. It helps me relax and fall asleep, has completely banished my leg cramps, and I know it to be true. Amen. I like the orange and cherry flavors best.

It's actually not so much the birthing that scares me, but the breast feeding and bringing home. My beloved Grammie will be staying the first few nights with us, which gives me intense relief, and I am trying not to get too wound up. To be honest, there are so many baby-freaks on either side of my family, this kid will probably be swept from me except for feeding minutes after the birth ;). It's nice to feel that love. We shall survive!