COUSTEAU'S WAFFLE AND MILKSHAKE BAR

Waffles, Wes Anderson......Wed Hats.

 OK that is a stretch. Jared and I are making our way through The Office (how has anyone our age not seen this show I will never know J Bird) and I keep getting the strong urge to make a Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica many years too late.

Last night I met my friend Alex down in St. Augustine for a Waffle Wednesday date at Cousteau's on Hypolita Street. Together we plowed through the Belafonte (nutella, strawberries) and The Whirly Bird (hot cinnamon apples, vanilla ice cream, caramel sauce) with a few slurps of the impossibly tart and fresh Calypso milkshake (key lime, vanilla ice cream, graham crackers) in between. I mean, whats a girl supposed to do when she hears about a Jacques Cousteau/Life Aquatic themed waffle bar? Go nuts, that's what. And these are no Waffle House waffles (disclaimer: I love Waffle House)These are Belgian Leige waffles: crisp, soft,slightly sticky, caramelized to perfection.

Oh and if you wear a red beanie like the unpaid intern you are, you get 10% off. Of course we had this on lock-down.

Torp, Norway

HOW TO VISIT SOUTH FLORIDA WITHOUT BURNING TO A CRISP

Zinc my friends. The answer is zinc. Makes you (even more) pasty white, but works like a dang charm. I spent 3 days in the blazing sun, snorkeling, swimming and running amok with nary a pink splotch in sight. I'd like to bare my testimony that I know this Solar Sense to be true.

In other news, shortly after this picture was taken I was participating in a "don't get knocked out of your float" challenge with one Steph Secrist. My butt firmly planted in the float, I gently soared over waves for a half hour or so before drifting in to the shore. While trying to avoid a random giant rope covered in slime and algae covered bouys (why was that in the water ugh) I was smashed on the shoreline by an aggressive wave, popping said floaty which quickly filled with water and wrapped itself around me. Let me tell you, there is no cooler kid in south beach then the pasty white pregnant girl in a neon ugly print speedo floundering around with a 99 cent popped inner tube.

BEST TUBING IN FLORIDA: ITCHETUCKNEE 101

Itchetucknee Springs. If you live in North Florida, you should make it a priority this summer to take a tubing trip down to the river and spend 3 hours or so floating. Disclaimer: while I have never been to Ginny Springs, I hear one complaint over and over: it's dirty. Itchetucknee is indeed not dirty! It is quite idealistic. Someone in our party of 12 actually said 'I feel like I'm in a theme park." The water is clear, 72 degrees and moves along at a lazy pace, dotted with turtles, and you'll only spend about 10 bucks a person (young kids are free). So here's what you need to know:

• Grab some cash. You're gonna need a tube and its quicker and easier to have a 20 on hand.
• Get there early. 8 am early. If you live in Jax this means leaving around 6 am. They only let a certain number of people in per day. Plus, getting there early means you'll most likely miss the annual afternoon thunderstorm.
•  While you're at it, stop at the Donut Shoppe in Arlington on your way out of town. They open at 5 and got you covered, you'll be prepared for their cash only policy because you already hit the ATM, right? 
• Sunscreen up before you leave the house and right before you go into the water. Trust me. Wear a rash guard if you have one to help protect you from the sun. 
• Rent a big tube, don't trouble yourself with a raft. You'll see tube rental stations dotting the roadside on your way to the spring, they're all about $5 for a single and $10 for a double tube. I saw quite a few poor desperate tweens in rafts with little paddles trying to get out of the weeds and while hilarious, it was very pathetic. Tubes give you mobility and make it easier to jump off the side and swim when you get too hot. 
• Bring your kids if they're up for it. You can always test out doing a half float which takes about 45 minutes or just swimming in the spring. Just remember that the water is cold and there are no exits!
• Meet up with any stragglers BEFORE you even get close to the park. There is 0 cell service for miles around the park, and you will never ever find them if they didn't caravan up with you. 
• Do the full 3 hour float. After such a long meandering drive, do yourself a favor and do the entire float. You'll have much more fun and get to enjoy the deserted front portion of the spring. 
• Bring bungees to tie your parties tubes together and avoid spreading out over a mile or so. Sure, you'll always catch up to one another but there is ALWAYS a slow poke who gets sucked into the weeds on the side of the river. Always. 
• Come with a caravan. I always have more fun when there are at least 10 of us spread up and down the river. 
• Wear water shoes. Most of the first half of the river is full of long water grass. Sometimes this grass is so long and thick that its poking its little head out of the water. It's not particularly yucky or anything, but it can be a bit slimy. You've also got submerged logs, slick rocks and other things that I personally do not enjoy touching with my bare feet. 
• Bring a GoPro or waterproof camera, but leave your jewelry and keys back at the car. 
• Keep your eyes open but don't be afraid! I have never seen anything more dangerous then an otter on the river, but of course there are snakes and maybe even a rouge alligator or two. On a packed day, there are over 800 people floating down the river and those critters make themselves scare, believe me. Jump off your tube! Swim alongside in the clear water and cool off! 

This makes me want to plan another trip! Who's in?

CIAO ITALIAN BISTRO/GLUTEN RAGE

Ok you have to read til the end of this post, because a dynamite crazy story will be your reward, but first let me set the stage. Last night, Danielle and I were invited to a Jax Bite Club event courtesy of Folio Weekly and, more importantly, my friend Caron. The restaurant is in the historical district of Fernindina and the entire area is super adorable.

We had margherita pizza with whisper thin crust, dangerously light and delicious, followed by my favorite course: a watermelon napolean. Thick slices of watermelon sandwiched creamy goat cheese and arugula, with a balsamic reduction and mint leaves. This was so incredibly refreshing and I am obsessed.

This was followed by fried mozzarella with basil aioli - rich  and delicious - and seafood lasagna that was literally an overflowing treasure chest of  perfect buttery little scallops. OMG. And there was tiramisu. Gosh I hope I do not get sent to outer darkness for eating that tiramisu.

ANYWAY the meal was delicious and I would totally go back. But onward christian soldiers to the money: Whilst our heros sat, listening to the Italian owner go over the evenings menu in a thick accent, a strange burnt matchstick of a woman walked up to our group. This walking wire marched right up to the owner, and sticking her pointy finger out screams I WANNA TALK TO YOU. This lady then begins to throw a howler of epic proportions. SHE HAD EATEN GLUTEN FREE PASTA AT THIS ESTABLISHMENT she said AND IT WASNT GLUTEN FREE. The woman wailed and screamed with a rage that was REAL my friends, unhinged we heard about her night sweats and sleeplessness for a week. As they drug her out of the joint, the obscenities flowed as her shorts began to slip off her bony frame. You'd think a gut so descended with the suffering of gluten would have kept those suckers on, but I witnessed full butt crack. I can't even tell you how insane this lady was. Geeze. So maybe avoid the gluten free pasta at Ciao? Or don't. Idk, this woman sounded more like a wino then a true gluten warrior, so take your fate into your own hands. Truly a story worthy of Florida (Wo)Man.

FORTS

Florida. Its hot and sticky and swampy and everywhere you turn there's something that bites or creeps or stings, and all too often all three. I have to appreciate all that sticking and wet mucking, critters and all. If anything it screams LIFE. It's teeming and rich with big green life. There is so much beauty here. Few people can look at an oak tree dripping with moss or St Augustine wrapped up in twinkle lights and not immediately fall in love, but there's beauty in the gray haze of the afternoons and the scrubby palmetto bushes, too. 

A few weeks ago we took a trip to Fort Caroline so the dog could become one with nature and also because we like to play Russian Roulette with the possibility of  contracting Lyme Disease. We found banana spiders as big as the palm of your hand and watched a big pod of wild dolphins play off the coast.

We also recently ran down to St Augustine for the Festival of the Lights with some friends. My favorite part of St Augustine is first and foremost Kilwins with a close second being photoshoots in the old fort moat. If you're local, I highly reccommend it as a great 0 dollar date. Well....5 dollar date if you snag a cone from Kilwins. But I assure it will be 5 dollars well spent.