Tuesday, July 29, 2014


So we're having a baby. That's the money. That's the meat. You are free to now leave the post feeling like you got the bulk of the information.

We took this picture in Oslo when I was very not pregnant because have you ever seen a more perfect statue in your life??

So Jared and I had been talking in earnest about this whole baby ordeal for about 9 months before the trigger was actually pulled. I myself had been entertaining the idea, afraid to admit it to myself, for over a year. I barely breathed a word of it to anyone. In fact, at one point Jared gave me a blessing of comfort that I wouldn't let the "should we or shouldn't we" thoughts give me so much anxiety. It worked, and what a blessing.

For most of my life I've had to wait for things. Not forever, but a while. When I was younger it bothered me beyond belief. I couldn't stand it. But as I've grown up and looked back and gotten the things I had waited on, I realized that the victory was so much sweeter for the wait.

All this is to say, I was quite bewildered when I kept having the feeling that when we started trying for a baby, things would move really fast, and I wanted to be ready.

We set a few deadlines for ourselves and breezed by them all. May came and it was kind of like what are we really waiting for? Jared was supportive and confident that we needed to knock off the lollygagging. What I didn't know is that by saying "OK, lets go", I was also giving a weird signal to my brain that said my thought patterns should change from normally scheduled programming to this:


A week later I got a killer migraine at work and I knew. That was my sign. I had just made an appointment to get my wisdom teeth out and I commenced to fret endlessly that my poor zygote would be hindered by the anesthesia and ibuprofen, so I took a couple first response tests when the time came-- all negative. Then I had numerous dreams of a fat curly headed baby.

I knew. I tried to play it cool, Jared knew too. He was singing little ditties about the baby from day one. I cautioned him to not jinx us. What if I was wrong? But the time for my period came and went, and so did one more negative test.

And then June 9. On June 9 I bought a test and a box of ice cream bars - either way, just in case. On June 9 I got a shard of bone removed from my gums. On June 9 I got locked out of the house and dropped my laptop on the street. On June 9 I peed on that stick and when two little lines popped up I started sobbing. I didn't fully understand how much I wanted it until I saw those lines. It had been a long hard day and who doesn't love a little victory. And this seemed like a great big victory.

Little baby, you are so wanted. Jared and I are so happy. See you in February!

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