GIRL ON FIRE

Via Natalie Dee

My first spin class I lasted 30 minutes.

Exercising is hard for me. I have been chubby for a long time and I am mostly ok with it, while always wanting to change it, if that makes sense. I have very little determination, and an even smaller amount of stamina. 

That first spin class I was having a hostage-level bargaining session internally. “Just 30 min and you can go, you can walk out the door and never look back, and at least you tried.” That was my mantra. As soon as I walked out, my heart sunk. I was so disappointed in myself. Jared and I went to dinner that night and I blushed when I told him I had wimped out. It was just so hard!!

The next day I went back and I finished.

Last night in spin class that Alicia Keys song came on. You know the one. It was the last song of the session and my thighs were burning and felt like lead weights. I found myself grinning like a freaking maniac. Who was this girl? Was I really sitting here grinning while my legs pumped, going nowhere fast? Was I actually getting pumped? From an Alicia Keys song?! I threw away my usual cynicism and held on tight to that optimism. Cherish that idiot grin, I told myself, because it may not be there tomorrow.  

My goal for February goes against everything that’s screaming inside of me, but so far I've done it and I could not be more proud of myself.

WORK IT OUT FEBRUARY

As a teenager, I always despised February. Bad things happened in February: it was cold and grey and there was Valentines day. It was also the month long barrier between me and birthday bliss.

Once I grew up and started trying to make my own luck, found myself a Valentine and realized that didn't really matter all to much after all, I guess February lost its fangs. Still, sometimes old habits die hard.  I still catch myself giving those 28 days the side-eye, muttering under my breath until they've come and gone.

You won't get me this time February! Nay, I have a plan. So far my 28 days of work outs are going strong. They've included spin class, walking the zoo for 3+ hours and stretching my poor tight hamstrings.

I haven't forgot my other challenge, the one with the pictures and the vanity, unfortunately all the great ones I thought I took over the weekend are gone, after remembering that my  memory card was left behind in the computer -____-. Forgive me.

UNINTENTIONAL ACHIEVMENTS

As of today, I haven't had a soda pop in 3 weeks (?).* I wasn't a huge soda drinker before, but Jared is FULLY addicted. To the hard stuff, too. He drinks Coca-Cola classic like its going out of style. I thought my  abandonment of the icky diet crap I found myself asking for automatically at every meal would help him get past his own personal carbonated demon. So far this hasn't proved true, but I have faith in you yet Birdy! So

Turning my attention to intentional achievements, I would like to set forth a goal for February. The goal is two fold with one intention: to love and honor my body.

I am setting out to work out every day in February. EVERY DAY. Even on Sundays I can fit in a stroll to the park with my boo dog. In addition to this, I would like to take a self-portrait every day. EVERY DAY. This is not (pure) vanity. I need this. Lately I've been feeling, well attractive wouldn't be the word. I want to feel good and strong and healthy. I want to see the beauty that I know is there, somewhere. Anyway, I've got three and a half more days to launch. Anyone want to join me? I will be mentioning my work out every day on the blog to help keep me motivated.

Ok, and maybe it has a little to do with being one month away from 24, but we won't talk about that just yet.

In other news, I am really really fixated on cutting my long lackluster do nothing hair. Any opinions? I loved this cut I had in 2009, sans the pink.

Work Out Diary

Quick check in with my progress. I've been going to the gym really consistently. I have a pretty hard time staying there for more than 30 min. I started listening to a few different audio books and podcasts, but for some reason The American Life just wasn't getting me like, pumped. So after a week I started plugging into TLC on the elliptical. Let me tell you, a good run of Toddlers and Tiaras does wonders for my motivation. So far I've lost about 5 pounds. Even though I still hate working out, exercise does wonderful things for my mood and energy level. Who knew right?

Other then, just today i started drinking Body by Vi shakes. I'm not super great with restrictive diets, but I think I can deal with this. Shakes are great for me in the morn, as I already make a lot of protein shakes, and when lunch rolls around, its easy to make a shake and have a little snack. Basically, I know I can eat at least one "real" meal a day, so I think I'll do ok.

Work it, I need a glass of wata...

So again I have faced my inner demons and have bought a ticket for the get fit train. There are few things in this life that I hate/love more then exercise. I hate every second of the time I spend doing it, yet nothing boosts my mood and self confidence like breaking a sweat. I remember when I was working out really regularly, Jared could always tell when I had skipped a day. Why? Because I would act like more of a brat then usual, thats why.

Because I have never been one to push myself, I've tried a few little tricks to help me get along the way: apps, a chart and some new sneakers. So far I'm a week in and have found a way to sweat every day. My sugar addiction has yet to be reckoned with.

 I'm not planning on posting ghastly pictures of my milky white flab or anything, but I do want to use my blog as an outlet for this part of my life as well. I need people to know I'm trying, I do. I need to have that fire under my butt.