IMPORTANT WEEKEND THINGS

Important things were done this weekend.

Important things like realizing I was heavily channeling a Magic Kingdom transportation employee.

Important things like realizing my dog has a serious school boy crush on me as of late. And sometimes I abuse his trust because I am bad. 

 Important things like hanging with our beloved Simpsons and checking out the zoo and the best grilled scallops in Jacksonville.

 

And of course, super important things like finding Jared's first gray beard hair, having migraines :(, and watching the USA tie in their Portugal game yesterday! Ugh sorry for the gratuitous neck beard shot. He has shaved.

THE LIFE OF THE HIGH STRUNG WOMAN

Am I asking too many questions?
Am I forgetting a question?
Why must I crave goat cheese at all hours?
Will we ever stick to our budget?
How much does a normal couple spend on groceries?
Do we really need to buy jugs of water?
Am I drinking enough water?
Why didn't they ask me first?
Ugh, why did they even ask me?
Have I done any good in the world today?
I wonder if I can eat popcorn yet?
I wonder if I put on too much powder today? Does my face look chalky?
I wonder what Jared is doing?
I wonder what Gilligan is doing?
Do I play with my dog enough?
Do I tell my husband I love him enough?
Do I tell him to often?
Is that even a thing?
Gosh I'm starving. Should I hold out til lunch?
CAN I hold out til lunch?
FOOD.


Roughly 3 minutes inside my head.

THE TREE

I have become obsessed with this tree in my yard.

The tree looks like a Dr Seuss character. It's covered in pink wisps. At night something magical happens and it lets out a heady, intoxicating fragrance like big ripe peaches.

I make a pilgrimage to the tree every night, sometimes twice. I walk around and wobble my head, sniffing all the while, trying to find the best spot in the yard. Sometimes it's 5 feet away, sometimes it's right next to a blossom. And I inhale again and again, greedily sniffing it all up.

It bothers Gilligan to the extreme. Why are you sniffing that tree instead of watching me urinate?

I also make visitor to the apartment come and sniff the tree. "You gotta smell this tree," I'll say. And they do. And they love it too.

I've been reading Jacob 5 over the last week or so. Its a parable about a the gardener caring for a tame tree that used to give great olives but in its old age has become sickly and pooped. He saves the tree by grafting in peices of wild olive branch. The new pieces are wild, the olives were probably bitter and everyone probably thought he was a little nuts. But it works!  This crazy wild olive tree saves the tame tree. More then that, they combine perfectly to become a new tree-- a healthy tree with delicious olives. Now I know what this parable means about the scattering of Israel, but I've been thinking in a different way lately.

I have been thinking a lot about wild trees. Tree's that smell like peaches and have pink fuzz all over them.

Sometimes, we get so set in our ways. The right ways. We put our blinders on and do our thing. Often this leads to personal decay and unhappiness. Especially if we are attempting to get different results and change and prosper--all by doing the same old thing.

So I invite you to look at your own tree. Your family or body or schooling or fitness or whatever you decide that tree is, and then look around. Go out into your yard and wobble your head and sniff out a pink perfume tree. And see what you do with it. See how it may change you for the better.

TOP 10 THINGS TO DO WITH YOUR EXTRACTED WISDOM TEETH

1. Talismans
2. Grind and sell as faux rhino horn.
3. Earrings
4. Plant to grow beanstalk/portal to another realm.
5. Dark arts
6. Clone material
7. Soothsaying
8. Yahtzee dice
9. Save for "extras" 
10. Shadowbox for edgy home decor.

On the way home from surgery I cycled through hysterical laughter and sobs, because of course I did. I was also visited by Louis Armstrong. 

CIAO ITALIAN BISTRO/GLUTEN RAGE

Ok you have to read til the end of this post, because a dynamite crazy story will be your reward, but first let me set the stage. Last night, Danielle and I were invited to a Jax Bite Club event courtesy of Folio Weekly and, more importantly, my friend Caron. The restaurant is in the historical district of Fernindina and the entire area is super adorable.

We had margherita pizza with whisper thin crust, dangerously light and delicious, followed by my favorite course: a watermelon napolean. Thick slices of watermelon sandwiched creamy goat cheese and arugula, with a balsamic reduction and mint leaves. This was so incredibly refreshing and I am obsessed.

This was followed by fried mozzarella with basil aioli - rich  and delicious - and seafood lasagna that was literally an overflowing treasure chest of  perfect buttery little scallops. OMG. And there was tiramisu. Gosh I hope I do not get sent to outer darkness for eating that tiramisu.

ANYWAY the meal was delicious and I would totally go back. But onward christian soldiers to the money: Whilst our heros sat, listening to the Italian owner go over the evenings menu in a thick accent, a strange burnt matchstick of a woman walked up to our group. This walking wire marched right up to the owner, and sticking her pointy finger out screams I WANNA TALK TO YOU. This lady then begins to throw a howler of epic proportions. SHE HAD EATEN GLUTEN FREE PASTA AT THIS ESTABLISHMENT she said AND IT WASNT GLUTEN FREE. The woman wailed and screamed with a rage that was REAL my friends, unhinged we heard about her night sweats and sleeplessness for a week. As they drug her out of the joint, the obscenities flowed as her shorts began to slip off her bony frame. You'd think a gut so descended with the suffering of gluten would have kept those suckers on, but I witnessed full butt crack. I can't even tell you how insane this lady was. Geeze. So maybe avoid the gluten free pasta at Ciao? Or don't. Idk, this woman sounded more like a wino then a true gluten warrior, so take your fate into your own hands. Truly a story worthy of Florida (Wo)Man.